Couple therapy is a useful tool to better express one's experiences within the couple, with one's emotions and beliefs, thus facilitating an empathetic listening. It brings out relational patterns so that they can be modified according purposes and needs.
What is couples therapy for?
Couple's therapy facilitate the sharing of one's experiences and allows for a mutual listening that can be genuinely empathetic, based on understanding (not judgement) of emotions, and how they are linked to one's own personal history. A journey as a couple helps you to be listened without judgement and to do the same with your partner and to change the interpersonal patterns so that the needs of both can be heard.
The couple therapist helps to understand what apparently does not transpire, but does not act as a judge who gives reason to one or the other member of the couple, because everyone's experiences are equally "true" and have equal right to be. If there is (still?) a deep sharing of values and goals and there is still a strong bond whereby one can also think of the other's happiness, the couple therapist can provide tools to help ensure that the emotional needs of each are met. However, this is not always the case; the couple therapist can accompany a separation process to make that as least painful as possible, especially in the case of a couple who still remain a parental couple.
Why don't we understand each other anymore?
A functional couple is a couple in which one manages to communicate one's emotions with the certainty of being seen, heard and supported. However, this is often not so easy, especially when, due to one's personal history, there is an insecure attachment style (as it happens to at least 30% of the population).
It is possible that some dysfunctional dynamics that have remained below the threshold for several years appear in moments of particular personal difficulty, or life change, such as with the birth of a child, a transfer or the growth of children who begin to become more independent. Or it may happen that the problems arise just when you feel secure in your relationship and decide to "drop the mask" and behave in a more authentic way that had never fully emerged.
In these circumstances, the couples therapist helps to understand the deep emotional meanings behind the attitudes of each, and how each of the two has learned to make sense of facts, events and behaviors. In other words, in the light of attachment theory, the therapist can help to understand the personality and the deep fragilities of each one, the traumas of attachment that can be mutually repaired so that a relationship is established in which one can feel truly safe.